Monday, April 20, 2009

Rainy day ramblings

April is a very hard month for me...too many losses in this month over the years, so much sadness when it is really time for rebirth and renewal. When does one finish grieving? There seems to be no end to it, just coming to an accommodation with it. I always feel like I have found that space, that accommodation, but every year, April comes and with it the flood of memories, the thoughts of the missing ones, the missing all over again. I feel my heart full of the love of my dear ones who have passed and know that they too are traveling this journey along with me and who knows maybe soothing my soul until May finally comes and I can look ahead instead of behind. I am ever filled with hope that we will meet again one day and yet do not want that day to arrive too quickly! There is a lot of good life yet to live, places to go, people to meet......and I would not wish my life away with too much pining. Just this month, this April, every year I feel the pinch of loss.

1 comment:

janet said...

April is a little like that at our house, but my sad memories are of Cranberry, our sweet dog
who joined the family when our kids were small. She moved here with us from Wisconsin, and cemented our clan through good and bad years. She died the day before Easter a few years ago, and the bright yellow daffodils always make me sad...and yet they're so cheerful, like Cranberry. Cape Cod is awash in daffs these days, so there's no avoiding them. We still miss Cranberry, especially in April, even with two more dogs in the family, but the memories are sweeter now. We plant more daffodils every fall... and it's almost May!