Standing in line at the Home Goods yesterday I could not help but hear the conversation that the woman in front of me was having with her daughter on her cell phone. It went like this:
Hi Honey I have found a nice dress for you. What? It has that uneven bottom that you wanted and the dippy things on top. You know what I mean, what? that bottom that goes up and down . Yeah no, no I told you no before! Do you want the dress or not or I can just get it and if you want it fine. What? It is a very pretty blue. No, no, I am not going to agree to that, you know how you get when you drink. What size should I get, medium or small? You'll like it, it's this sort of blueish color.
( the dress in question was about two feet of blazing teal polyester, strapless, and godawful ugly) Small? OK. What? Oh no! We talked about this. I said no!I know it's your 21st birthday but that does not mean you have to go out hammered! Oh good god all right but just one shot, do you hear me? one shot. are you still there? honey? hello!?
At this juncture she turned to me and said the following:
I have to tell you at this point had I known I would have never had kids. This one is impossible, what with the boys and the drinking, and her brother just got out of rehab, a lot of good that's gonna do him, and all she wants to do is drink and party. It's the Irish curse. I mean, I have it too, but it's under control. It took me a long time but I managed. It's in our family and there she goes. I set up a limo so she won't drive, they are going into the city to party, oh my god why did I agree to this, as if I had a choice. But I got the limo so they will be safe, right? If she can still walk in those heels when the limo gets her. oh jesus listen to me I am telling you my whole life story.
She looked at me. I was somewhat nonplussed but I said that's ok I have that kind of face, people tell me everything.
Well it's just that I am so worried, but with the limo she should be ok, right? I mean she's not driving, right? And she is 21 . What could happen?
She seemed to want me to tell her that sending her drunken 21 year old daughter who was at home drinking shots already, into the bowels of Manhattan with a limo driver/babysitter(heaven help that guy!) wearing a tiny bit of a strapless dress (that she picked out) to go clubbing was a perfectly safe and reasonable thing to do.
I did not know what to say, and for a change I was saved by the cashier that motioned for her to step up. She was still talking as she paid for the awful little dress.
I wanted to say:
Are you f....ing nuts? Look at that dress! It wouldn't cover a puppy! Your daughter is drunk already? A whole fleet of limo drivers would not be able to keep her safe! Clubbing? In Manhattan? Lock her in the closet! Call a therapist! Call AA! Get yourselves some help for heaven's sake. Don't send your child to the wolves!
But I was spared, again by another cashier who was ready to take my money.
I quickly paid and practically ran out of the store.
It is people like that who make me think we are doomed. Some people just should not procreate.
Sometimes I wish I had the kind of face that made people cringe and look away.