This situation has had such an adverse effect on my life. There has been continued hostility : my woodpile moved, trespassing on my property, 8 bright yellow no trespassing signs on the trees facing my house, a makeshift fence of yellow rope and broken broomsticks and ski poles cordoning off the contested corner..... all of this done while we were at work, my poor dogs, no doubt going crazy in the house while these people were in my yard
.I have called the state police again, have experienced anger and fear of such intensity it has made me physically ill. I had to spend last night home alone without Greg and the dogs and I was so fearful...I did relax after a while, but the threatening cloud that hung over me left me uneasy and exhausted.
It is so awful to have this feeling in my cozy home, to feel unsafe. I am leaving this afternoon for a trip to the Cape for a few days and for the first time ever, I am not feeling a pang of regret leaving my home. I do not want to be here, but I am afraid of what I will find when I return. I have good friends that will watch the house for me and my car will be in the driveway, but still.
Dealing with chronic depression and anxiety disorder is hard enough on a daily basis, and this whole mess has really thrown me into a bad place. I have been feeling that downward spiral approaching, that black place hovering... I am trying to put it aside, I am trying to create some positivity inside and outside my home ...and head.......I smudged my whole property, walking the perimeter and through the garden paths, meditating on serenity and peace, I did the same inside. Now I am burning sweet grass, windows flung open to the beautiful clean air, cleaning, dusting and vacuuming, washing away all of this negativity and trying to concentrate on a positive outcome . A letter is being sent to them suggesting a compromise solution and I am trying to be hopeful that they will see the sense in stopping this harassment, and moving towards mediation.
Life is very short, with so little time to waste on hostility and hatred. I do not want to poison myself with these emotions. So I won't. There is too much of it in the world already.